Coming to terms with my new Mumma body.

I’ve decided to start this blog off with a dedication to all the mums who embrace their new post baby body shape, the ones who don’t let it get them down, the ones who go out a few weeks later rocking a body con with the their extra lbs of baby weight on full display. I envy you and your confidence.
While I was writing my previous blog post I realised how much this part (the part where I talk about my weight) really effects me day to day, and why it does. I feel I should share my thoughts on this subject as I do with so much else. After all I’ve been blogging for 4 years now so it only feels natural to let it all out.
From a very young age I have been body conscious. I’ve always been an average size of a UK 10, sometimes 12 depending on the store, and give or a take a few kgs depending on the time in my life. I’m about 5ft10 so I can get away with a few extra lbs and if I wear the right clothes no one would even notice, apart from myself. Or so i’ve been told.
I generally (almost as a rule) don’t wear dresses that are too short without tights, nor do I wear short shorts or anything that’s too revealing on top. Pre baby I didn’t have much to show on top anyway so it never really bothered me. My uniform colours are grey, black, white and denim. I also like deep reds for winter and occasionally I’ll wear a floral print, but it depends what mood I’m in. Back when I was a fashion student I was way meow creative than I am today. Perhaps I’ve grown up, or I’ve adapted my style to living in Dubai. I’m happy in skinny jeans, a cool tee and a blazer, or a denim dress teamed with brogues or chunky sandals. At the moment I’m living in a pair by Jil Sander. I love them. You’ve probably guessed it but I hate summer. I love the warm weather but I have serious issues finding anything to wear without feeling really comfortable. Reading this over, one may think I have a few issues with body anxiety and that’s true, although I’ve rarely talked about it. Luckily we live in Dubai and everywhere is air conditioned therefore I don’t need to worry about overheating, so I can usually get away with wearing jeans and a blazer. Plus I’d never wear anything too revealing out of respect for the local culture. My dad taught me that when I first visited Dubai at the age of 12.
Come to think of it, most women I’ve spoken to have body issues. It seems to be a hot topic with new mums, and women across the globe. Australian blogger Constance Hall aka the ultimate QUEEN reminds me that it’s ok to be the way I am. I just haven’t accepted that yet. (If you’re a mum or expecting, then she is one lovely lady you need in your life. #justsaying #queen)
Back in May last I started working out at BARE and I was feeling amazing. For the first time in years I was actually really enjoying excise, and seeing quick results too. It was very motivating. By the time I got pregnant I had lost over 2.5% body fat, a few kgs and I was feeling really toned, so toned that I had a sudden desire to show off my arms and purchase a short play suit from Sandro for our trip to Thailand.
Once we got pregnant the exercise stopped and wedding season started so I was busy with work and already feeling like I was over doing it with my growing baby bump. However being pregnant was the most amazing thing ever. I felt like this was me, this was exactly what I was meant to be doing and I loved having a baby bump. For the first time ever I really really loved my body.
So now 9 weeks after my C section delivery I’m still 7kgs heavier than I was pre baby. I gained about 18kgs in total but lost 11kg in the first 3 weeks. I think most of that was baby, placenta, water weight etc. (According to my various google searches) in the first few weeks I was also a little more active as I had my mum staying with me so we would wonder around the mall while Adeline was sleeping, but since she’s gone I’ve been hanging out at home and doing almost no exercise as I’m glued to the sofa with my human on my boob. It’s also so hot to leave the house, and I’m scared to take Adeline out around the block incase she over heats. I know, they sound like crap excuses but they can’t be helped right now.
OK so I wrote the first part of this blog a few months ago, and really wasn’t sure if I should post it or not. My weight hasn’t changed, I’m stuck on a number and I’m pretty sure it won’t budge until I get active again. I’ve also been told by various mummies and google searches that your weight can plato until you stop beast feeding. After hearing that I told myself to get over it for now, and focus on feeding my baby. No one tells you how hungry breastfeeding makes you feel. I’m starving. While a part of you craves carbs and sugar, the other half of you is telling yourself  not eat because you can’t wear your size 10 jeans and if you continue to eat chocolate chip cookies on the sly your size 10 goal will never happen.
*So It’s now been a few weeks since I wrote the first and second part of this blog, and I’m still stuck on the same number on the scales but I have made some changes to my diet, I’m eating cleaner and I am trying to avoid sugary treats. Ya know, cake, chocolate, the good stuff. I have bad days and good days but at least I’m trying. All I can do for now is focus on feeding Adeline and keeping my milk flow flowing. Oh and I’m still trying to come to terms with not being the size I used to be. One day I’m like ‘I totally deserve a bar of chocolate because i’ve been up feeding every two hours and haven’t slept for longer than 4 hours in one shot in nearly 6 months, and then I’m like, ‘damn, I wish these jeans would do up’. LOL. #NewMum